omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dignity is for republicans.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
