Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
