So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
