you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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