I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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