just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
