im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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