I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
