If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
