She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
