it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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