Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
