my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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