Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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