kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
