whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just cropdusted the office
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
