Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
