haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
My dick has a subreddit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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