Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
