beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
