ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
