I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
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I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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