i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
