FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
