my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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