Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
