I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
