dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
