I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think im going to throw up on grandma
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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