If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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