i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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