She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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