Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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