weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
