if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
