nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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