My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
