if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
