My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
