Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
