it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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