Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
