My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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