My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
