Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
