I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
