saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
