I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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