I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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