the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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