Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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