Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I could fuck to npr.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
