When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
