i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
