My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
