i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
