my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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