never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
