There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
