Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
