You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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