Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
