So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
