We're like a lot better than the average bears
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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