They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
