I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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