GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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