she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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