I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
