ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
