you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
