saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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