New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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