I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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