I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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