All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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