singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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