there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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