Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
