I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
