I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I have a pirate flag
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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