i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
