Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
