Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
