I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
