So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
