you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
