no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
